sleepless.

I'm tired and yet, i find it hard to sleep.

doesn't help that i have no one to find comfort in but the animals

and of all days, the animals are not offering any either...



the day started off well, met a friend for lunch

had a hair cut and attended a wonderful wedding

decided that the night was still young and went for coffee to end the great day...

until i met a friend i haven't seen for 4 years...



secretly as much as i try to make it seem like it doesn't bother me as much as it should

it does... and for the last 4 years

the only thing that comforts me and puts me at ease, i can't have for tonight

and this depressing feeling is pulling me down with sleeplessness




is it hard to believe that she mattered to me in ways i didn't think possible?

that i really treasured her friendship and that she was more than just a friend, she was like a sister to me?

that i enjoyed every minute we spent together and had sometimes wished it would never end?

is it that hard to remember those days?

that those weren't lies but i just dealt with an issue so badly

and in the midst of bad decision making I accidentally left her behind with the rest of the world I was avoiding?



I was confused, and all I wanted to do then was to run away and take things into my own hands

I didn't know how and what I should do, i just did whatever I knew

which obviously, I didn't know much... did I?

To have caused her enough pain to never consider our friendship again...



for years it has never failed to haunt me

and now i still don't have the courage to talk to her

nor cast away my sadness whenever i think of her

sigh.

where is my source of comfort when I need it?



;_(

ny