Matt the robot boy

I can't exactly say that i am not sleepy

cos when I was doing work, as in work work, i was sleepy

but after starting on this canvas

i was kept wide awake...

even now, i am uploading and going to bed cos I have to

its monday and its a working day...



think I will do a series of robots

or even do a story on matt the robot boy

its fun.


ny.

Boys' night over

Long overdued thanks to my emotional rollarcoaster ride.

i still have CNY '08 to upload, but i think I will do that another night.

the boys were really well behaved during their stay at my place.

I had jo over the last weekend

so I will upload some pictures of her stay too.

though we din't take as much pictures as the boys.


haven't been drawing lately, nor doing anything much

i really don't know when I will be well and over the entire relationship

there are alot of things waiting for me to make decisions over

and here I am, simply procrastinating and doing nothing.

sigh.




ny.

Realization.

you know, its always the stupid who think they are wise

who think they know better so therefore they are better

but the wise is always aiming to be better

so they try harder, and they will look at themselves and accept positive criticism and improve themselves

yet, never contented at the stage they are in, but always knowing there are better people they can learn to be like

while the stupid finds flaws with others

pointing fingers at others without first examining themselves

staying stagnant cos they think they are already accomplished.



yes, i dun feel wise today

as a matter of fact, i dun think i have been wise for a while now

at least the realization of how stupid I have been, i have some hope?

but for me to come to this stage required me to lose someone really important to me

so you can imagine, i must have been really stupid.



I wished i didn't have to lose someone important to learn a lesson

I wished I lost something else instead of the person...

I wish I lost my ego and pride... and saw the signs earlier.

up until today, I tot the problem was something else and not me.

yes, a person can be that stupid...



I'm not sure what actually made me realize the truth

but it dawn on me, like someone just switched on the lights for me

and there it was...



I won't say that just cos i realized the truth

therefore I will change overnight

i have been stupid for long, what makes me think that I will be less stupid tomorrow?

but if i realized how selfish, how ignorant, how arrogant i have been

perhaps I can try to be better tomorrow?

that by being specific in my regrets, in my apologies to people

I will be accountable to my actions...



However I know, its one thing to admit my flaws, its another to act on it.

to friends whom i have hurt with my "i know it all..." and "you should do this and that.."

I'm sorry that I din't shut up and just listen

that I thought I had all the answers and i could do better in your situation

believe me i wouldn't and I wouldn't have known better

and i'm sorry I wasn't there for you, cos you needed it and not cos I tot I should be there



lessons I have learned painfully, is not to talk in an inconsequential way.

to know that until I understand the position that person is in,

i should not make any assumption of what i think is good for them

to never think that i know better, or I understand

cos I will never understand the pains, the joys, the history or the feelings you go through

i'm sorry i tot i knew better...



to my family, i'm sorry i have always been selfish and spoiled.

that i demand things to be my way, and to my convenience

to my sisters who gave me so much

and i was still so un-giving

i will try harder.

to others, i'm sorry I'm judgmental

i will try to listen instead of shutting you up with my "know it all..."




i wish i have gotten this little wisdom earlier...

but later is better than never

and with every action, comes consequences

and with my regrets, i hope i will change for the better...



ny.